“… but you already had a wedding” – I say. ” You had the chance to invite whoever you wanted and as many people as you wanted” – I add.
Both of my parents say almost at the same time:
” our wedding was organized by our parents and the list of guests was put together by them, so we invited everyone who we had to invite. Now it is our time to do the same thing with your wedding. Revenge!!!” my dad adds laughing. And we all burst into a laughter.
But this is a dilemma isn’t it?
Now there are two things I want to elaborate on regarding the Wedding In Romania issue.
Tradition just can’t be helped. Tradition just IS. That is why it is called tradition. There are just certain things that have to be done the same way over and over again and there is almost no point in fighting it because there is a certain charm and sense of continuity and life circle thing in it that actually makes it wonderful at the end. More clearly: I’ve been dreaming about a traditional Transylvanian wedding since I got married to my sweet Dan two years ago in America and my side of the family couldn’t attend. I’ve been dreaming about having an awesome, old style village wedding a kind of wedding that i attended growing up over and over again in this part of the world. I wanted the whole thing, I romanticized the idea and I kept talking about it to everyone because that is what the word ‘wedding’ meant to me ( until recently).
Weddings in Transylvania are a big big thing ( daaa!) . It is a family things ( daaa again!). But there is a twist. People care way tooo much here ( being a small community, a small town) about what other people think about them. Especially sweet grandmas and other older people. My grandparents on both sides, and my parents too have been to many many weddings throughout their life and the custom and the tradition is that now we are expected to INVITE A LOT OF PEOPLE BACK!!! If my family had been at someone’s wedding than that someone needs to come to ours. And I say OURS because ladies and gentleman this is a family affair at this point. Why the need to invite everyone back? Because of money, ladies and gentlemen. Harsh as it sounds but this is a big part of the tradition over here. People gift money, cold hearted cash on weddings. It is expected from the guests of the wedding to gift enough money to pay for ALL the wedding expenses and also to sponsor the newlyweds start in this new life together. People give money and the closer a relative, a better a friend you are the more you need to give. This iI think it is very nice in a way. The bride and groom and their parents are but burdened under the cost of a wedding. Everything will be taken care of. A funny and harsh thing ( traditional of course) is that the wedding ceremony master is the one who collects all the envelopes with the money, writes a list of the people who gave money, marks who gave what and then he announce all this during the wedding! They do! This one person reads it out loud that X gave X money and Y gave Y money and there is even teasing and joking going on why certain people didn’t give more or less! Of course you want to make sure that your envelope is nice and fat. No one wants to be ridiculed in the front of a big wedding crowd. Subtle, hm? Traditions as I said. Now back to the sweet grandmas. Of course, of course they want as many people to come to MY wedding as possible. They have been to so many and gave away so much money ( same goes for my parents) now it is time to get it back! Also, the town speaks. If we do not invite all the people who invited my people in my family before we will be obnoxious and “too good ” or “too cool” or too american” or too whatever” . And its true in a way. Why do I not want all these people at my wedding? The answer is easy: because I do not know them. They are my grandparents and parents relatives, friends, acquaintances, distant ones, people who I probably met as a child but I don’t remember them or I had absolutely no contact with them for the past 10-15 years. So there it is: to invite many people is traditional ( and i don’t want to do it), going to the church and getting married there is ABSOLUTELY traditional, it is a must, there is no wedding without church and the priests blessing here, absolutely unheard of and no one, seriously no one would have a wedding without the church part. ( and guess what? i don’t want to do it) and there are many more things that are just not ME anymore. Sorry. It used to be me, but I changed. ( throw your rocks now, people from home who read this).
I want a small wedding with the absolutely loved ones, the closed ones and I want to have a party to celebrate our love and union with Dan with lots of good food and “palinka” – thats it. Bottom line.
But this brings me to my next point:
2. Does it worth the fighting?
I am generally a very calm person (?!) and I hate to fight. I have been home only for a day but regarding this wedding thing there have been already many tiny little battles and I am already tired of it. I want this trip to be so lovely and nice and fun, I just can’t fight every day for some stupid belief of mine against hundreds of years of tradition and a whole family. ( Now, just to clarify it: these are not real fights, just clashing opposing opinions) . I understand that I will be leaving again soon after the wedding and my family is the one who stays behind and has to live here ( and listen to the bad gossip) for years to come. I do know that I don’t care about it, but I do care about my grandmothers well being ( and reputation) and I don’t want them to lose face because I got americanized. Its not worth it, right? Dan and I we can survive, for sure a bigger wedding than we wanted and we can put up ( probably) with the smudgy kisses of long time no see great great aunts and uncles. It will be fine. It will be a traditional wedding (minus the church, because that will not happen for shizzle) and it will be wonderful.
I know it 🙂